How To Communicate When Conflict Arises In Relationship
This is a simple and effective tool/process to step into conflict using intentional communication.
It’s an important one to practice, because avoidance of an issue almost always serves to create resentment - with the end result being disconnection.
Before it gets to that, try experimenting with these steps. Effective communication takes practice and requires us to prioritise it and nurture it consistently.
So are you holding energy against someone?
This is your sign to step through your avoidance and create reconnection, establish boundaries and repair anything in relationship that needs tending to.
(P.s. this isn’t just for romantic relationships; but friendships, colleagues, family, neighbours etc)
Acknowledge:
Recognise in yourself:
Triggered state
Stress
Fear
Avoidance
Boundary has been crossed
Centre yourself:
Breathe
Calm
Ground
Meditate
Journal
Presence the Issue
Inform the other person you need to clear something up with them:
Through text
Email
Phone call
Face to face
(Whatever is most appropriate)
Appointment
Create a time you both agree on. Don't spring it on them. Time and space leading in can be conducive to effective communication.
Assertive Communication
1. WHEN YOU (describe the behaviour).
Eg. When you raise your voice at me ...
2. I FEEL (state the feeling).
Eg. I feel scared.
3. BECAUSE (explain why you feel that way).
Eg. Because my father used to raise his voice at me when I was a child so when it happens now, it brings up fear and trauma from my past.
4. I NEED (Explain your wants, needs, conditions or boundaries moving forward)
E.g. I need to you find a way centre yourself before communicating from a place of anger. Can you agree to that?
5. Gratitude (thank this person for hearing you and being open to making changes that nurture connection and healthy relating).
E.g. Thank you for holding space and hearing my concerns and requests. I appreciate you greatly.
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