3 Ways to Create an Enjoyable Childhood for Our Children

I’ve been a step father for 5 years and my little boy was born 14 months ago. I’ve been doing my best to figure out this parenting gig for a while now. I’ve been blessed to have the support from men that have walked the path before me (one of the reasons I love and am passionate about Mens Work). I have amazing support from the women and female mentors in my life, too.

The below is a blend of my learnings and personal take on what it takes to create a happy childhood.

Of course it’s only scratching the surface. It’s also one of those subjects that can be different for different folks. All the same I hope there’s something in there for you!

#1 Meet our own needs first.

Yes, number 1 is all about putting ourselves first. This is about self care, self responsibility and most importantly, role modelling.

The deeper into parenthood we journey, the more difficult meeting our own needs can become.

Regardless, failing to ‘fill our cup’ (for me, that’s getting the solitude, connection, fun , rest and creativity I need), almost always causes stress.

Failing to take care of our health, failing to structure our weeks, failing to pursue our passions and failing to set up boundaries … eventually it all causes more stress.

Putting ourselves last leaves us with nothing to give. Meeting our own needs is an art and is often a moving target. When we tick our own boxes, the most important this is possible (see number 3).

#2 Prioritise our relationship.

Prioritising our relationship (for me, that’s with my partner, Juliet) is what creates safety for our children. We all know what it’s like to walk into a room where someone has just had a heated argument … you can cut the tension with a knife - you can feel it. Children are typically more receptive and sensitive to the energy fields they are in and around.

Therefore, the more we can show up in a mature way in a relationship (not always easy), the more we are able to create connections with our partner, which in turn, creates harmony and safety for our children. This allows us to role model healthy relationships, which is so important in the bigger picture.

#3 Deep presence and radical acceptance.

A brother of mine, Brooke, gave me a piece of gold by saying, “kids spell love: T.I.M.E”. This means the best way to show our children that we love them is to give them our time in an undivided way.

Personally, what I find challenging about this is turning off my ‘work brain’. It’s so important I understand the impact being distracted can have on my kids. For me, this is where my unconscious conditioning of being a ‘provider’ needs to be kept in check.

When we fully let go, and when we remember how precious each moment is, we are able to cross over into especially from my little boy, is astounding. He can tell when I’m half in and he LOVES it when I’m all in.

We’re there, playing and celebrating life together. It’s rapture. And like I mentioned in #1, as parents we can’t get to that place of full, undivided presence when we’re stressed, depleted, or riding too many horses at once.

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