Harden Up!

The phrase ‘harden up’ has been condemned in recent years. And rightfully so. This has been the ‘advice’ many men, for many generations, have received in times of hardship, overwhelm and emotional turmoil.

When ‘harden up’ becomes the only source of encouragement, we see devastating impacts. Violence, suicide, disconnect, ostracisation, incarceration, addiction, family collapse are among the worst.

But you know what? I believe there is a time/place/context for ‘Harden Up’ to act as an anchor point.

Toward the end of last year, ‘Harden Up’ was the advice I was offered by a close friend and mentor. A man who in my opinion is qualified to drop this kind of guidance.

The context of this advice cam during a family crisis. An unexpected turn of events that had the people I love feeling dishevelled and destabilised. The carpet was ripped from their feet (including mine).

What was clear, was that I needed to hold my own centre. I needed to keep myself grounded and focused. It was a time to be of service. The words ‘harden up’ were intended to support this. I understood the intent.

The core message I aim to offer here, is that sometimes, as a man navigating a crisis, I do need to harden up. I need to find my centre and feel my strength. When I heard this at the end of last year, I felt encouraged, empowered and gained the stability I needed. It brought me to a place of focus.

The second message I aim to offer here is that the pendulum must swing. This same man followed up with me for weeks on end. He checked in on me and he made a promise that when the dust settles, I would connect with him. That I would receive his support to soften, to open, to feel and express all that I needed to.

And he followed through. I was able to feel seen, heard and held. I was able to release. This ensured I did not fall into the cage of denial and suppression (which leads to pain and projection).

Sometimes as a Man, I need to explore the full spectrum of myself and my capacity.

Sometimes I need to harden up, so what needs to happen can happen.

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